Of Money and Marriage
Marriage can be tricky. Add children into the mix and it gets even trickier. Throw money woes in for good measure and you’re suddenly experiencing one of the trickiest situations you will face in your adult life. The pandemic has forced families to re-evaluate how they speak about money. Now, more than ever, it’s important to ‘play open cards’ and have those courageous conversations.
According to Stats SA, four in ten marriages won’t last a decade, with money issues cited as a top reason for divorce. UNICEF considered the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic and found that factors like the loss of the household income could have a lifelong impact on some children. So, what can we do to protect our marriages and our families? How do we have open discussions about money with our partners and children?
Honesty is the best policy
At the recent Sanlam-sponsored Agenda Women 2021 Summit, Regomoditswe Isis Khoele, a commercial pilot and social media influencer, spoke about her journey with her husband. Prior to getting married, they went to their lawyer and laid all their financial cards on the table – debt, savings, assets… everything. This is sadly not the norm. Often, women, especially, enter a marriage with little idea what their partners earn. In any serious relationship, it’s vital to have ‘the talk’. And not just a once-off money conversation. You should plan regular money ‘dates’ with your partner.
Discussing money matters can be a difficult conversation, especially if you are not on the same page financially. To live with confidence and empower yourself in your marriage, set common financial goals for your family. By working towards common and agreed-upon goals, no one feels submissive or solely responsible. These goals can be long-term like a retirement plan, or short-term like a family holiday. Once the goals are in place, plan regular financial check-ins with your partner to address any budgeting concerns or hindrances.
A financial adviser can help you understand how you and your partner think about money, and how you can address any differences in opinion. Lee Hancox, Head of Channel and Segment marketing at Sanlam, says financial self-introspection is probably the best thing anyone can do before making a big life decision such as getting married or divorced.
She adds that you should get to know your partner’s money personality. Are they a spender or a saver? And more importantly, why? What’s informed their attitude? Delve back into each other’s childhoods. So much of how we view money starts there.
The curveballs will come. It’s important to face them, together
Madri Jacobs, Certified Financial Planner and Investment Specialist at Brilliance BlueStar, Sanlam, says, “The unexpected impact of COVID-19 that hit South Africans’ income and job security highlights the importance of having a financial plan and an active relationship with an adviser to assist during difficult times. Many people paused or cancelled their retirement contributions in the last year. This has long-lasting implications, especially in a country where prior to COVID-19, just 6% of people could afford to retire comfortably.”
At the Agenda Women Summit, Mari-Louise Candiotes – mommy blogger and social media influencer – spoke about how retrenchment swung a serious curveball her family’s way. Mari-Louise met her man at just 17. He studied chartered accounting, so she thought their financial lives were secure. Years later, she was pregnant with their first child when he was retrenched, putting their plans for her to be a stay-at-home mamma on hold. She realised she needed to turn her talents into a hustle. She became a successful entrepreneur, freeing up her husband to explore his career options as well.
By taking the time to learn about money together, they emerged from the pandemic stronger.
It’s OK to ask for help
Another idea that emerged from the summit was that many women place a lot of emphasis on contributing financially to a relationship. It becomes quite central to our identities. As women and as moms, we put immense pressure on ourselves to succeed in all facets of our lives. Be it in our careers, our marriages, our parenting styles, our friendships, our healthy lifestyles…Or our finances. Seeking advice from a professional can take the pressure off our shoulders and ensure that we are on top of our money matters.
We work hard for our money. It’s important to make it work hard for us. Upskilling ourselves in investment is one of the best ways to do this. If you feel you’ve run out of steam, or need additional tips to help you stay on track, Sanlam provides excellent day to day tips on how to live with financial confidence.
Adele Barnard, Sanlam financial adviser, stresses ‘a man or partner is not a plan’. Women need to master money and build our own financial portfolios. It’s also important for both parties in a relationship to have their affairs in order. It’s critical to have a file with all your financial documents, including your will.
Kids are to be seen and heard
‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’. It’s a popular saying that may do some damage by turning children into adults who have mindsets of scarcity, rather than abundance. A lot of our preconceived financial ideas or ‘money memories’ come from our childhood. That can mean much of our anxiety around money matters stems from our younger years too.
After everything that happened with their finances, Mari-Louise is teaching her three daughters about money. Her 9-year-old is already playing with SatrixNOW vouchers to learn about investing. And her 4-year-old knows all about saving, spending and sharing – though she hasn’t quite mastered the non-spending ‘Ss’ yet!
Adele adds that it’s super important to involve children in money discussions from early on. The Sanlam Savings Jar app is a fun, free interactive way to start little people on their savings journey, to help them live with financial confidence, right from the beginning.